11.18.2006
Remembering.
Remembering Jeffrey & Joshua.They would have been 17 years old today.
I can't believe that they would have been 17 already if they made it past their first and last few hours of life.
My twin baby boys.
I cannot believe that we have never been to their place of burial since we buried them. Oh - I think I may have tried to find them in the part of the cemetery that is reserved for the littlest of Angels - as they call it. I think I made an attempt at finding them when my Grandpa died in 1992.
It is quite sad that I never want to go there or to look back at what could have been.
Would they have been healthy if the Doctors could have been able to save them? What hardships and disabilities would they have had to endure? Were Jeff & I strong enough to handle it? Would I have still wanted to have Johnny & Joey - assuming that it was in God's hands that I were to raise 4 children and only had Justin and Caci? Was it a blessing in disguise? I could not imagine my life without the children that I have now. They are my world!
It is so very sad that we have moved on in life, and never even placed a marker at the twins grave. They are buried together and at the time they died, the size of the foot stone that was allowed would not fit both of their names and date of birth/death on it. I wonder if they have lifted the restrictions on that?
Maybe I should be strong enough and get a marker with at least their names on it to remember them by. Or would it bring back too many memories of the devastation of it all - all of the what ifs?
I think I have made my New Years resolution. I think that all of the kids are old enough to handle it and they should be a part of choosing it.
It is the least I can do for the twins that made room in our life for the children I have now.
I love you, Jeffrey and Joshua. Born and taken to heaven on November 18th, 1989.
Labels: birthdays, boys, burials, cemetary, death, family, family life, twins
link | posted by editor at 10:16 PM
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